Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
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