we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The uberlube is also flammable
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He has the fingertips of a God
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