i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
