you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
