his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
