I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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