who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
