There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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