I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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