you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
