It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
