Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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