I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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