when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
