My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
