it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
