Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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