He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
