shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
