I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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