SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
