Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She's the barista slut.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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