yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
