Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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