Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
