You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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