Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
