the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
