Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
