Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
