i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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