And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I woke up under a house in Key West
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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