she told me i tasted like america
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
