I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
