my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
