2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
