at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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