If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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