Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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