why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
