Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
