the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I think your dad took our porno
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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