I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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