Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
