just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
