i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
