Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
