we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
