pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
