i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
