had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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