not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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