That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
