i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
