I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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